He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
