Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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