Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
