woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
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Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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