11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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