He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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