some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
