don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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