I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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