pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
