The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
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Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize