Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
