This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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