p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
