He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
foreskin is a definite game changer
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
