the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
