I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
