the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
