The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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