Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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