I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
