I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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