you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
