OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
