Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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