I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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