you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
wow bdsm is so cute
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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