Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
