i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
