just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
