you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
