At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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