We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
