My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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