I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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