If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
