My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
