You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
