I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
