we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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