Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
