if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
