Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
