I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
