walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
