the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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