Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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