You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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