I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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