dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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