I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
