i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
They have beer where we have blood.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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