we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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