Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
