i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Everyone says I win the strip club
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's shark week go big or go home
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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