why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
