I wish my penis had an off switch
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I party with great urgency now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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