Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
