girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
