Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
