I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
