I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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