We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
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Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
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She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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