Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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