I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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